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- Welcoming School
- Dr. Rebecca Bigler
- Conversations can look different from different families
- People with privilege often feel like it is a choice to have these conversations, but other people may not have the choice.
- Its It's our more privilgrd privileged identities that we are not as used to speaking to.
- Kids are not blank slates and they are not color blind
- Kids brains are noticing ALL the differences and trying to sort out which ones are important and which ones are not. Brains Their brains are always trying to make meaning of differences.
- In the absence of saying anything racist, they will notice segregated spaces and try to determine what that means for them.
- Kids tend to have in-group preferences (blue shirt vs red shirt preference)
- Even if we are not explicit, they are still going to make meaning, but ; however if we are not talking about it with them, they are making meaning in a segregated/racist society.
- Many people resort to Color Blind language: "just be nice to everyone" "we treat everyone equally" but most racism is implicit implicit.
- Know that it is scary and we are afraid of making mistakes, but remember you have access to your kids over a long period of time and you can always repair if you mess up!
- In fact, being more transparent with kids, the better!
- Often we are more comfortable talking about gender versus race identity and stereotypes.
- Remember that it will take kids a while and they will ask the same questions over and over to understand categories and how to "sort" people.
- This iterative/repetitious process gives you plenty of time to "try again" in getting the to refine your answers each time for your kids.
- The most important thing to show our kids is that repair is possible. We need to have self-compassion and model HOW to repair.
- ACTIVITY: Social Identity Wheel: Documentation Status, first language, sexual orientation, romantic orientation, socioeconomic class, race/ethnicity, religion, age, ability, gender expression, cis/transgender identity, gender identity,
Question: what do we do when family members say things that we disagree with?
- Remind child that just because they don't agree with us, they are not all bad/wrong and they are still worthy of compassion and love.
- "We don't have those rules at our house, but some people feel really strongly about those rules."
- Come at everything with compassion!
Action items